Parents as friends in waiting
January 10,
1997
Who are parents? And what do they want? Many a novice
teacher, barely coming to grips with 30-odd children, feels
a pang at also coming to grips with 60-odd parents. And,
according to the grapevine, parents can be very odd indeed.
Who hasn't heard of the dad who broke a chair over the
teacher's head, the mum who hysterically attacked her rival
in love in the playground, the divorcing couple pulling
their offspring in different directions (literally), and
the parent who reels in smelling of drink. Not to mention
even more bizarre anecdotes about children kept at home "to
do the washing" or "to watch her favourite TV programme",
still more chilling stories about child abuse and neglect,
or the unwanted attentions of lovesick fathers. Parents,
teachers often seem to believe, are the pits.
One of the simplest truths about parents is that they are
generally motivated by anxiety. Peter Gordon, headteacher
of Hazelwood infants school, in north London, is doing a
work-based MA at Middlesex University on parent-teacher
interaction. He says: "The first thing young teachers have
to realise is that the children they have in their class
are someone's absolute preciouses. "
There is nothing quite like the surge of hormones to render
even the sanest commodity broker or computer programmer
quite barking, especially if the subject is little Johnny
"having problems". Says Mr Gordon: "When parents are
concerned about their children, teachers need to realise
that it is a genuine concern, even if they (the teachers)
may feel it is misguided."
The best way to deal with this latent tide of parental
anxiety is to be pro-active. Go out there and be friendly,
ensure that parents know right from the start that you are
on their child's side and that you will deal fairly by
them.
"The single most important piece of advice for getting on
with parents, " says Mike Beale, head of Holland Moor
primary school, in Skelmersdale in Lancashire, "is to be
around at the end of the day."
At Holland Moor teachers see the children through the
cloakroom and out to their waiting parents. At once, the
possibility for informal contact is established. All
teachers are on site from 3.30pm until 4pm each day, so any
parent wanting to see a teacher (or a teacher wanting to
see a parent) has a guaranteed slot available. Just knowing
that on any day they can see the teacher has a calming
effect, believes Mr Beale, who in his eight years of
running the school in a very tough "new town" has never had
a parent be difficult.
Openness, says Peter Gordon, needs to be built into the
fabric of a school. At Hazelwood the parents' policy
stresses encouraging parents to take an active part in
their child's education.
Helping in the classroom, accompanying school outings,
attending assemblies: these should all be avenues of
teacher-child interaction which are freely available. Then
the more daunting open evenings will arrive in a more
welcoming context - for parent and teacher alike.
Mr Beale believes in structures. At Holland Moor the
regular home-reading scheme is also used for communication
between parents and teacher. A brief note to say "Billy did
really well on the apparatus today" or "Sarah seems to have
a bit of a cold" keeps the lines open.
"It is important that the school is seen as sending good
news," emphasises Mr Beale. Then, if less palatable
information has to be broken, the context of a positive
relationship is already in place.
Many schools have newsletters, which parents value. It is,
of course, important that you, as a teacher, actually read
the newsletter which the parents receive. Otherwise you
won't be able to respond to their remarks about it.
Remember, the parents do not know that you are a relatively
new and junior member of the staff and the head just bangs
these things out without you knowing. Likewise, you need to
know the contents of any letters from the PTA or dentist,
even though they are not originating from you. But,
suggests Mike Beale, these kinds of bread-and-butter
communication can be supplemented by more inventive means.
At Holland Moor they have a "telegraph" system. When a
child is particularly industrious or inspired, the office
sends home a telegram, with "Gemma read in assembly today",
or whatever. And it is staff policy to use the informal
encounters in the playground every day to tell a parent or
two something positive about their child, working their way
through the register. When relationships have been built up
like this, parents' evenings are not likely to hold any
unwelcome surprises.
When David Higgins first came to Chace secondary school in
Enfield, there were seven parents in the hall at open
evenings. Now, with a full programme of activities, a local
nursery and community enrichment group using the site, the
school hosts 1,400 parents each term. As parental
involvement has grown, exam results improved. And, of
course, as results have improved, so parents feel more
positive.
But, what if despite all your best endeavours, someone
seems determined to get nasty with you? Stay calm. Remember
that it is the angry person who has a problem and see it as
your place to help him or her.
Just as you would with a furious child, do not let yourself
be forced into an instant reaction. Say: "I'll look into it
and get back to you within 24 hours." If you use this line,
you must keep your word, however, or you will have an even
angrier person the next day. Use the time to talk with the
head and plan your response. Never feel that you have to
deal with difficult situations on your own. As Peter Gordon
says: "Teachers do not have specific training in dealing
with parents. It is learnt on the job."
It can be quite inspiring to think of relationships with
parents as part of the web of relationships on which a
school depends. At Holland Moor teachers are often in and
out of each other's classrooms, discussing and monitoring
each other's practices. Children are sent to other
classrooms to show off their achievements and parents are
invited to assemblies. If you don't think of parents as the
enemy, but as friends whom you need to keep informed,
chances are that is the way they'll think of you.
Education has to be a partnership. You read it in your
coursework, but it is true. The three-quarters of a child's
life spent outside school need to be in a friendly relation
to what goes on in the classroom. So go out there and make
friends, listen and above all, assume the best. Then sit
back and enjoy the end-of-term plaudits.
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