Fantasy League
November
17, 1995
Like so many other parents, I am in the throes of doing the
rounds of secondary schools. And like every other parent
encountered in playground or street or windswept park, I
have become obsessed by the subject.
We are maddened by the necessity of making this important
decision on another's behalf, goaded by the spectre of
"choice", whipped to a frenzy by the spectacle of
ever-increasing numbers of other parents similarly
afflicted.
At many of the schools I have visited in this reasonably
affluent London suburb, there have been easily more than
2,000 visitors in the two or three hours of the open
evening. Many of them have come from so far away that they
cannot possibly have a hope of getting their child in, for,
as it says in the LEA's ever-so-helpful booklet, "the
government offers every parent the choice of a school for
their child. This does not mean that you will get the
school of your choice." Exactly so.
My son is a lively sparky boy of ten and a half - the
middle one in the family. He loves drama, art, music and
creative writing, is dead keen on all sports, has recently
got interested in maths and is an obsessive pursuer of all
his hobbies, whether these be making the definitive
collection of POGS, constructing a hide in the garden, or
designing weird computer games on slips of paper.
I want a school in which his creativity will flourish and
his quirkiness not be punished. He also likes girls and
hates getting up in the morning.
So what have we seen? Discounting the 90-per cent white
Guild School - a former voluntary aided grant maintained
school with excellent results ("Mum, you know how I hate
getting up in the morning, I'd never manage it") - and the
gloom of one local comp, Depression Heights, of which the
main virtue, according to the headteacher, seemed to be
winning the award for cleanest school in the borough two
years running (Great, but what about the GCSE results?)
here, below, is the running.
CLAIBORNE'S
Grant-maintained, mixed grammar school with sixth form.
Admissions: 180 per year on non-verbal reasoning test and
headteachers' report. Ruthless in its selection for the
sixth form.
Results: stunning.
Subjects: Maths: high-fliers do GCSE early, all get A* and
go on to do A-level modules early; languages: four modern
plus Latin at GCSE (plus mother tongues).
Extras: school magazine: yes; foreign trips: we've got'em;
extra-curricular activities: numerous.
Sport and arts : keen but lacks sports hall and swimming
facilities, good fields; drama has two plays a year; music:
400-plus learn an instrument, three orchestras, bands.
Premises: grotty in parts, oak-panelled library, loads of
computers. Own field centre in countryside.
Teaching style: straight down-the-line, go-for-it academic.
Kids: Nose-rings, ear-rings, all ethnic groups.
My child says: "I want to go here, you can do so much."
I say: "1,500 are trying for 180 places. Who doesn't want
selective education?"
BOYS OWN HALL
Single sex, grant maintained comprehensive
Admissions: 180, can select 10 per cent for ability in
music or sport
Results: slightly above national average - 45 per cent five
A*-C GCSEs; outstanding in science
Subjects: maths: high-fliers either take exam early or do
extension, many do A-level; separate sciences available;
languages: three offered at GCSE but with limited choices
Extras: school mag: only for younger children "who do
creative writing"; foreign trips: minimal; extra-curricular
activities: mostly sport but also the odd spot of chess,
model railways and history
Sport and arts: hall, fields, we do it all, bar swimming,
and the kids love it; drama: couldn't find it, "not our
sort of thing"; music: 150 learn instruments
Premises: grotty but with history
Teaching style: How many people said to us, "This is a
boys' school, of course, so ..."
Kids: friendly, polite, unafraid to criticise, like a laugh
My child says: "The sport's good"
I say: "Why don't they paint the place?"
ST CAKE'S
Independent, former grammar school.
Admissions: 150 including 50 via the prep department. Exams
and interviews Results: major league, top ten.
Subjects: 40 per cent of 6th formers do maths; languages:
can choose from four modern plus Latin.
Extras: foreign trips: every year has options (but pricey);
school mag: yes; extra-curricular activities: 48 and
counting from bridge to meditation to zen archery.
Sport and arts: hall, fields, pool, rock-climbing wall,
county teams etc; drama: scene set in spotlit studio,
teacher sitting in darkness with note on dimmer board:
"this room has been dramatised for you"; three plays a
year; music: nearly 500 learn instrument, special concert
hall, orchestras, bands, ensembles.
Premises: set in leafy acres, no expense spared, technology
up-to-date.
Teaching style: academic, challenging, lots of individual
attention.
Kids: confident, articulate, polite, very jokey, large
ethnic mix.
My child says: "Yes please".
I say: "This is what money can buy"
TRUMPET TOWERS
Grant-maintained comprehensive, mixed
Admissions: 200, now over-subscribed from other boroughs
Results: 25 per cent five A*-C GCSEs, A-levels on
collegiate system Subjects: Maths: best school subject at
GCSE but no provision for high fliers; poor A-levels;
languages: two
Extras: foreign trips: embryonic programme; school mag:
soon; extra-curricular activities: in lower school
flourishing but seem to drop off.
Sport and arts: hall and grounds, no swimming; drama: try
hard; music: 80 learn instruments.
Premises: being refurbished, feel pleasant,
Teaching style: child-centred, optimistic, stress ability
Kids: younger ones dead keen, older ones on fashion parade
despite uniform, ethnic mix wider than area and celebrated
My child says: "There is shit on the walls and door of the
toilet. I will not go here."
I say: "The head says the school is improving fast but I
see what you mean."
NICE NEIGHBOURHOOD SCHOOL
LEA mixed comprehensive
Admissions: 240
Results: 60-plus per cent five A*-C GCSEs; A-levels on
collegiate system and in school, do pretty well
Subjects: Maths: high-fliers extended; languages: three
plus mother-tongues (but choice is difficult); school mag:
"We prefer to help the children understand journalism by
analysing periodicals"
Extras: foreign trips: yes; extra-curricular activities:
many, well-organised
Sport and arts: great facilities, no swimming; drama: two
plays, keen staff and students; music: 180 learn
instruments, with an orchestra and ensembles
Premises: purpose-built and very attractive, American
high-school style, lovely library
Teaching style: child-centred, a bit "old-style lefty",
dedicated, not overly academic
Kids: somewhat cheeky but fun
My child says: "I like it"
I say:"We're too far away to benefit from its exclusively
middle-class catchment area."
TURF WARS HIGH
LEA mixed comprehensive
Admissions: 255
Results: 18 per cent get five A*-C GCSE; A-levels on
collegiate system; "one girl got three As last year, that's
quite exceptional, isn't it?" (all others Cs or below)
Subjects: maths: do Smile (which mathematicians hate);
languages: two plus mother tongues; mag: no
Extras: foreign trips: day only; extra-curricular
activities: art-based yes Sports and arts : excellent -
astroturf, halls, gym, fields elsewhere, big steel fences
around everything; drama: lots in purpose-built theatre;
music: 200 learn instrument
Premises: half totally grotty, half rebuilt after fire
Kids: wary, inner-city mix of sharp and bewildered, ability
as evidenced in work at low level, discipline and order
problems, ethnic mix huge
Teaching style: hard-working, stressed-out, eyes in the
back of heads
My child says: "Oh Mum"
I say: "Someone I know works there. She said to me, 'You're
not thinking of this school as a parent are you? Don't'."
Well, those are the choices. I have filled in the form but
I haven't posted it yet and no, I'm not going to tell you
what I've chosen. That might bring bad luck - and luck is
what we need.
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